**Issues identified:** 1. "聪慧而富有动感的DJ" – grammatically awkward; the adjectives apply to the performer/equipment, not the DJ role itself 2. "配备高级迪斯科灯光系统" – "配备" (equipped with) is not quite natural here; the product *is* the lighting system 3. "提供超过同类产品的多项功能特性" – slightly redundant with the list that follows; structure could be tighter 4. Overall phrasing doesn't flow naturally in Chinese; needs restructuring for professional B2B register